As you can see, this was addressed to me from The Gregz (the honorary inhabitant of 228 Excellence). Clearly, it could not be ignored. We piled up in the car and drove out stopping for breakfast at Sonic. Sonic is reputable for its food that tastes the same regardless of what you choose and slushies which conveniently gave me a brain freeze about a half hour after I had woken up. It was lovely, I assure you.
And so we embarked on our tour of 'REAL America.' Our first stop was Mexico...Mexico, MO. Do you see how clever I am? I agree. Mexico was a small town off the highway that resembled one that was considered for filming locations for Zombieland. It was deserted and everything was closed, but it redeemed itself once we hit the town square and found this:
A statue of liberty. I kid you not. Awesome.
Next stop was Louisiana... Louisiana, MO. It gets you every time, doesn't it? This was definitely the favorite. It had a charm to it that was simply indescribable...or as C put it, adorable (pronounced: adoraybleh). We simply drove through it on the way there and vowed we'd stop on the way back.
I left my mark on that parking lot. Literally. You can still go see the skid marks.
Next: Clarksville, MO. It's tourist center was a tug boat. Ha. We stopped in there to pick up some brochures and moved on. The best analogy I can come up with is a cakeface. Once you pile on the makeup, it's pretty enough. It didn't have any natural charm like Louisiana but enjoyable nonetheless.
Clarksville's slogan is 'touch the Mississippi river' which we did. It was bloody cold water but we went down there and sampled it with a fingertip. Then we took a quick tour on foot of the town, going into the stores and taking a look. An interesting tradition they have is to have a guest book that customers sign stating their names and where they're from. I was the most badass with Switz/Egypt until we got to Trish's Treasures where I was beat out by a Russian. Goddammit.
The Gregz bought a necklace for his mother (cue in the awwwww) while C chose to further her weekend traditions by adding to the shot glass collection. After that, we got into the car and were on our way once again. We attempted to find an Indian memorial ground but failed miserably and turned our search to dinner. The Gregz opted for a restaurant across this bridge into Illinois. Check out the view:
It was called the Lighthouse inn and stayed true to its name by having a fake Lighthouse outside despite promoting a Hawaiian theme on the inside. We were thoroughly confused for a good ten minutes before we became preoccupied by the 'sub-par at most' quality of food as The Gregz put it. I got a Kansas strip while he and C split some fried chicken, the Lighthouse's speciality. We relaxed for a little bit and then were on our way to the DQ (Dairy Queen) for a blizzard and some dipping cones. Way better than dinner.
At this point, The Gregz had hit the rumble strip 16 times. Surely this reassures you of my driving skills so far considering that he was the coach of lesson one not to mention he repeatedly broke driving rules after warning me not to do so myself... It's okay, you're allowed to hope I get hit by a bus before I get behind the wheel again. The soundtrack to our trip ranged from Backstreet Boys/N'sync to some Flo Rida to The Gregz trying to steal some Bieber time. C wouldn't let him, naturally and thankfully.
So there you are. I hit up Mexico, Louisiana, Clarksville and Illinois in one day. America is awesome, ain't it?
P.S. Quick shout out to C who provided most of those pictures! Thanks!
Best tour of the REAL America ever.
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