Different approach to friendship

I know I said the last post would be the last till winter break, but I can't resist. I should be cramming econ right now, but instead I'm blogging.

This morning I got to meet up with an old friend (?) I'm not even sure I can call him that but it was our first meeting in 11 months. Through those 11 months, we barely spoke or acknowledged each others' existence even though we live in the same city. But he's moving on now from Mizzou so I figured meeting up would be a good move.

I don't know about that one. It was a nice meeting but was so clear and obvious in its finality. It was nice and friendly but one of those very final, very last time kind of meetings. Moving around a lot as I grew up has taught me to subconsciously look out for those moments and while some of them are more hidden than others, it was very obvious today that this was one of those meetings. I've never been so strictly aware of it before as I went to friends' houses for the last time, or partied with that group for the last time...I would only really register it as I was on the plane, out of the country and often the continent. Too late now. No turning back.

My sister was always typically more emotional than I was, often crying at the airport and such but she grew out of it pretty quickly. I had a terrible habit of distancing myself from friends since I knew in a couple of years, we'd never see them again. This was obviously before the phenomenon that is thefacebook so when I say we'd never see/contact each other again, it was usually very true. I just decided to protect myself from this by making my family the only constant in my life. They were there for every stage, every move and that worked for me. Over our six moves and eight schools, I've only managed to make three real friends. Ones that know everything there is to know about me, I tell them everything including insecurities/feelings etc and they do the same. I feel that friendships like that are precious and don't happen often.

Today, I discovered a different approach. The finality of the meeting made me reflect over our short-lived friendship and how it derived from a friendship with B squared. Then I reflected on their friendship and how it spanned a year and had the potential to be one of those really good ones. The kind of friendship that, regardless of the moves to different countries, you'd put in any effort to keep. But it isn't anymore.

Because one side just decided that they could do without it. It's absolutely heartbreaking to see that happen...to watch people completely ignore something like that, especially when it is so clear. I guess I'm particularly bothered by it because I have met so many people over the years and have only managed to come out with three people who I could call the besties. Obviously, all these people's company I've really enjoyed and continue to do so but it's just not the same with them. We all know there are levels of friendship and these three seem to have been at the top for a while. These friendships that took me 18 years to find and develop.

And this person has it right in front of them. And they've chosen to let go.

Sad.